Amore Perduto
by shimmeringswift
Summary: Losing Love isn't something you want to do. After Ike left for a long journey, Soren is left to spend time with his mother and tells her a shocking secret. Something very unexpected. And Soren comes to the conclusion he doesn't want to live without Ike, but it's a little too late for that.


"No… I can't…" the raven haired mage shook his head, sorrowfully. "I can't take the throne of Daein. For many reasons that can't be explained…" he trailed off and looked into the distance at the sky.

His eyes closed when the memories come flooding back.

**(al)**

"_Hey, you should come inside, you'll catch a cold out here." a concerned voice came from behind the shorter male._

_He shook his head, not bothering to turn around, already knowing who it was. "I'll be fine…" his voice was soft and timid as his gaze remained on the sky._

_Footsteps approached him and suddenly, the commander was standing next to him, "I don't want you getting sick, Soren. Come in and sit by the fire."_

"_I appreciate your concern, but I.. I'll be fine." the hesitation was clear in his voice. The gaze from the commander lingered on his friend and then he looked up at the stars._

_A warm hand set itself on top of Soren's own very cold one. "You sure? Because you're freezing." He moved closer, ignoring Soren's protests and wrapped his cape around him. "Here."_

"_Ike…" the shorter male looked up at him, crimson eyes meeting blue ones. _

_Ike's strong arm lingered around him with the cape and his voice was soft as silk. "Tell me what's wrong… I can help. I promise."_

"_Ike… you… you can't. No one can. It's… complicated." Soren's eyes drifted down, refusing to let his eyes meet the general's._

_Ike leaned in closer to the mage, their lips almost brushing. "If you think no one can understand… Let me…"_

_After that, their lips touched for the first time of many that were to come._

**(al)**

Almedha reached out and placed her hand over her son's. "You do not have to do this, but Daein will need someone to sit on the throne."

With a shake of his head the branded teen replied. "I cannot. But, perhaps give it to Pelleas, or Micaiah. I am not fit to rule the throne at the moment."

His mother's brow furrowed in concern. What condition was her son in that he could not rule? She understood he could not rule because of his loss, but… this did not make sense at all.

"My son, what condition ails you to take the throne?"

**(al)**

_Soft whispers brushed against warm skin and shudders rolled down the shorter's spine. His nude body clung to his lover's and a moan elicited from the mage's mouth. _

_Loving caresses stroked his thighs as the general fingered the smaller of the two teens. Ike whispered soothing words in his ear as Soren gripped the taller's shoulders tightly. _

_The grip on the commander's tan shoulders tighten and loosen slightly at random. A gasp escaped the younger's mouth and his back arched at the touches of his lover. "I-Ike…"_

_The murmurs continued as the general removed his fingers to the tactician's dismay and prepared himself carefully to enter his small lover. A chaste kiss landed on the mage's lips as his lover entered his virgin hole. _

_And even though the two had many disagreements, they could both agree on this: that night was one of the most amazing nights of their lives._

**(al)**

Soren looked down at the wooden table where they were presently seated. When he looked up, it was obvious to tell he was fighting back tears.

His mother was quite alarmed at the sight and she grew even more concerned. She intertwined their hands and squeezed gently in a comforting manor. With her free hand she moved a strand of black hair from his face that had previously came out of his braid.

Two sets of crimson eyes locked and then Soren knew he couldn't keep this secret from his mother any longer. A stray tear fell down his cheek.

"I made a discovery." the words came out more as a breath than anything else. The mage knew he had to tell Almedha, but it was shattering his heart to just think of the words to say.

For the first time he was clueless on to explain. He didn't know what words to say, and he couldn't get his mouth to form words either. This sight broke his mother's heart and she squeezed his hand once again. When she spoke, her tone was gentle, comforting, and most of all, motherly. "Take your time. Please. We're in no rush here."

A brief nod was all she received until her son was ready to speak.

**(al)**

"_You can't leave!" _

_The general turned around to see his Soren on the brink of tears. Wait, never mind that, the mage has already started to cry silently. _

_He took a deep breath and looked down into his lover's gaze. "I can't stay, Soren. I have to leave." _

_He moved to wrap his arms around him, but Soren just jerked away. "The choice is all yours, Ike! It's no one but yours! You do have the choice!"_

_How he was maintaining his composure, Ike didn't understand. But, he _had_ to get Soren to understand why he had to leave. "Soren, I can't stay in Crimea or Daein, and hell, I'm not allowed in Goldoa. Please, try to understand. If you were in my place, you would do the same thing."_

"_No! I wouldn't! I would stay here with my lover and take care of him! Not abandon him…" the mage's voice cracked._

"_Soren…" Ike trailed off, not knowing what to say._

"_No!" Soren took half a step backwards, his voice turning cold and then back to anger. "No. You don't 'Soren..' me and then expect to charm me into going with you! I can't! I actually will _stay _and _take care of_ my family. And don't bother thanking me for taking care of your sister while you're gone. I don't care anymore Ike."_

_The mage took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. With tears streaming down his face, he shook his head sorrowfully. "And if.. If you do leave… I…" _

_The shorter looked away, not able to get the words out. _

"_You what, Soren?" Ike question, anger tainting his voice. The words were bitter when they came out._

_Soren looked up and looked him straight in the eye, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "If you leave, I never want to see you again as long as either of us still live."_

**(al)**

The mage regretted those words now more then ever. His heart shattered yet again at the painful memories as he continued to talk to his mother.

"As I said… I made a discovery recently. Just briefly after Ike left…" he trails off looking down again.

Almedha listened intently, determined to find out what was troubling her dear child and when her son continued, her eyes widen at the words that were impossible to be true.

"I found out… That…" His eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

"I found out that I am pregnant with his child."

**(al)**

"_I'm… I'm.. what?" the raven haired teen stuttered at the unearthing._

_Rhys just nodded his head once, his orange hair landing back against his ears as he did so. "You seem to be pregnant. I don't quite understand how, though…"_

_Immediately, the mage understood as it set in. No… it couldn't because of his… heritage… could it?_

_The thought alarmed Soren and he stood from his seat on the examination table. He left the infirmary of the camp and took a deep breath. As he walked around the camp, his heart shattered. _

_The child was Ike's._

_At the thought of his lover's (or was it ex-lover now? Soren didn't even want to _**think**_ about Ike being his ex-lover) name, the mage's heart sank. He was gone now. For good._

_Guilt overwhelmed him and before Soren knew it, he was in the forest. But, he hadn't kept track of where he was going, so now, he was lost._

That's just great_, the mage thought. _I'm pregnant, lost in the woods, and am all alone…

_Those thoughts destroyed his hope and he just gave up, sitting on the grassy forest floor. Words echoed through his head, breaking every thought of hope, faith, and love that he had._

_**Lost…**_

_It's true he was lost. In more than one sense. He was lost physically, sure, but he was also lost in the emotional sense as well._

_But, this wasn't the only word that echoed through the mage's head. Oh no, there were a lot more._

_**Alone…**_

_He was alone. In the worst of all of the ways. His heart pounded at the thoughts. He felt like he shouldn't be here right now. He felt like he should die._

_**Worthless…**_

_He didn't mean anything to anyone. Ike had left him, his mother preferred his half-brother, and no one really seemed to talk to him except Mist, his mother, occasionally his grandfather, and rarely Micaiah._

_And they didn't even talk to him unless it was needed of them. _

_Another blow hit his self-confidence._

_Soren stood and pulled out the dagger that Ike had given him, 'just in case' the blunette had always pestered him to carry it everywhere._

_He was determined to put it to good use. He fingered the silver blade and didn't read what was engraved on it. _

_But if he had, he would have seen the message that Ike had intended for him. '_Soren,' _the fine carving read._ 'always know that you are loved. If not by anyone else, then know, no matter what we go through, I will always love you.'

_But, since the nineteen year old hadn't read engraving on the dagger he didn't know._

_Soren pressed the knife into the skin at his throat and closed his eyes as he felt it break slightly. _

_He was about to end all of his pain, troubles, and misery, when, he heard a voice echo in his head._

"**You **_**do**_** belong here. You do matter, you do. And no, I'm not just playing with you, Soren.**

"**I truly love you…"**

_The words from Ike's first 'I love you' popped into the branded's mind. His hand started to shake and the dagger fell from his hand, leaving a thin cut._

_He stumbled backwards, his eyes opening. There was an inner battle going on inside him. Between himself, and the love for Ike that keeps him moving everyday._

_Soren fell forward onto his knees and covered his face. And eventually, the love for Ike won the battle between the two sides. He sighed and fell to lay on his side, his head landing next to the dagger. _

_A clear gasp escaped his lips as he read the what the dagger said. "Oh goddess, Ike…"_

**(al)**

Soren buried his head in his hands. He couldn't look at his mother.

"I figured out that I am due in nine months. I had been harboring the child three months before Ike left and now, six months after. I also learned that since I am only half-laguz, that I will only be pregnant for eighteen months instead of three years, like aunt Ena."

The princess of Goldoa's eyes flashed with realization and she gasped again. "It's the general's child."

"Yes…" his voice sounded pathetic and desperate. "And now there's no way for him to know…"

He looked up at his mother and spotted something. He angled his head slightly and his desire to see what was in the distance grew, it was far enough that he could not make out what he was seeing clearly, but close enough so that they could hear every word of what was just said.

Soren gasped in realization as it clicked in his head. Before he knew it, the figure had approached the table.

Then, crimson eyes locked with crystal blue ones.


End file.
